50 Shades of ... Snore.

(Source)

Unless you've been living under a rock the last few years you would have heard about the erotic book series "50 Shades of Grey", the first book being a Twilight Fanfiction turned into a book - with the characters and location changed for copyright reasons. If you look online hard enough you can still find the Twilight version floating around.

After hearing so many people rave about this, to the point people were like "Oh I need a cold shower now," or "I want a Mr Grey in my life," I was like, okay I will see what the fuss is about, and got my own copy on my Kindle.
There was an offer on Amazon at the time where you could get all three books as a set a lot cheaper than if you were to buy them separately so I did that - also if I know a book is a series, I like to read them all so I get the full story. I'm also one of these people who when I read a book, I cannot just stop reading it - it needs to be finished.

When I started reading 50 Shades the first thing I noticed was how badly it was written,  I'm not the best writer in the world and I will hands up admit that, but this book didn't look like it had been re-written from it's Twlight days, just the names of characters and places changed. It didn't even look like it had been proof read, so that went against it automatically, the bad writing made it harder to read.
Then you got into the story, there wasn't much story let's be fair but I did carry on reading it to see how it played out - again I can't leave a book unread once I've started it.

The scenes that got everyone "hot under the collar" where boring!
I am not some freaky sex crazed woman, but these scenes just bored me completely that in the end I just skimmed over them until it got to more of the story part. If you're going to write a book - or a series of books that are about sex, at least be more imaginative.
By this I don't mean like hanging the characters from the ceiling, or all the BDSM the books involved, I mean how you word the character's response because Ana's "oh my's" got boring after one sex scene, by the end of three books worth I think Christian Grey must have been bored with her. There was very little imagination in the scenes that otherwise were - very - imaginative. (and this is coming from someone who doesn't watch porn or read erotic novels or is into all freaky stuff when it comes to the bedroom).
I didn't know what everyone was talking about with it being "hot" and "steamy". All I was thinking is "if I read "Oh my" or "Felt it in my sex" one more time I'm going to burn the damn book (until I remembered it was on my kindle).

As for Christian Grey. WHY would anyone want to be in a relationship with him.
Fair enough if you are into the freaky sex then he is your guy but to me I just wanted to slap him.
Then you had his rules:

RULES

Obedience:

The Submissive will obey any instructions given by the Dominant immediately without

hesitation or reservation and in an expeditious manner. The Submissive will agree to any

sexual activity deemed fit and pleasurable by the Dominant excepting those activities which

are outlined in hard limits (Appendix 2). She will do so eagerly and without hesitation.

(She is NOT there for YOUR pleasure. If you want sex any time without questions or hesitation, go pay for it you big jerk! Otherwise, if a woman decides she doesn't want sex. She doesn't want sex! And there's nothing that turns a woman off more than if a guy is demanding and all about him and his needs. No go away, learn how to treat a woman or move on!) 

Sleep:

The Submissive will ensure she achieves a minimum of seven hours sleep a night when she

is not with the Dominant.

(Excuse me? Do you want to talk to my Insomnia and tell it how much I should sleep? Because I'd love to get a minimum of 7hrs sleep, sometimes you just can't. Fudge sake!) 

Food:

The Submissive will eat regularly to maintain her health and wellbeing from a prescribed

list of foods (Appendix 4). The Submissive will not snack between meals, with the exception

of fruit.

(I will eat what I want whenever I want. I'm my own god damn person, if I want to eat a piece of cake, I will. If I choose to eat healthily it's for MY benefit, not yours!) 

Clothes:

During the Term, the Submissive will wear clothing only approved by the Dominant. The

Dominant will provide a clothing budget for the Submissive, which the Submissive shall

utilize. The Dominant shall accompany the Submissive to purchase clothing on an ad hoc

basis. If the Dominant so requires, the Submissive shall during the Term any adornments

the Dominant shall require, in the presence of the Dominant and any other time the Dominant

deems fit.

(Oh sweety, I don't dress for anyone but myself! If you don't like my clothes then that's your problem. Get over it. Chances are I don't like the clothes you wear either.)

Exercise:

The Dominant shall provide the Submissive with a personal trainer four times a week in

hour-long sessions at times to be mutually agreed between the personal trainer and the Submissive.

The personal trainer will report to the Dominant on the Submissive’s progress.

(Because the thought of being with someone who has meat on their bones scares you? Get a grip! You can't tell someone to exercise more. Or tell them when and how long to exercise, it's not flipping bootcamp!) 

Personal Hygiene/Beauty:

The Submissive will keep herself clean and shaved and/or waxed at all times. The Submissive

will visit a beauty salon of the Dominant’s choosing at times to be decided by the

Dominant, and undergo whatever treatments the Dominant sees fit.

(Hygiene is obvious you don't need to tell a woman to keep herself clean. But try and make her go to salon's when you want her too? Get lost!) 

Personal Safety:

The Submissive will not drink to excess, smoke, take recreational drugs, or put herself in

any unnecessary danger.

(If a woman wants to do all of that, she can do without you judging her. Men do it all the time).

Personal Qualities:

The Submissive will not enter into any sexual relations with anyone other than the Dominant.

The Submissive will conduct herself in a respectful and modest manner at all times.

She must recognize that her behavior is a direct reflection on the Dominant. She shall be

held accountable for any misdeeds, wrongdoings, and misbehavior committed when not in

the presence of the Dominant.

Failure to comply with any of the above will result in immediate punishment, the nature of

which shall be determined by the Dominant.

(And he must remember that his behaviour is a direct reflection on HER if he's going to go off on that one.) 

Is he having a laugh?
The fact this book was written by a WOMAN just baffles me, because as a woman all of that and the way this Christian Grey is, I'd want to slap him across the face, call him an idiot, tell him to get some damn respect for woman and walk the hell away, yet she created him, and millions of woman THINK they want a guy like this.
In reality if they had a guy like this - that wasn't called Christian Grey and had all the money to buy her pretty things, they'd be like "who the F are you to talk and demand these things from me!"

I know fantasy and all of that, strangely I have a fantastic imagination and love all things fantasy but I'm also a realistic so when I read things like this series, I just imagine that that was someone demanding those things from me. I would not be "getting hot under the collar" that's for sure.

As you can probably tell, I didn't enjoy this series and I honestly thought the craze had died down, but now they're STILL going through with the film and the leads have been cast.

Charlie Hunnam will play Christian Grey whilst Dakota Johnson will play Ana Steele.
The film is due to be released Summer next year.

Did you like the books? If so what was it about them that you liked?
If you didn't - again what was it about them you didn't like?
Will you be seeing the film?

xx